Something Different

So...I was reading back through last month's workout magazine, in which there was an interview with mommy and all around super lady Rebecca Romijn. Here's a woman who carried and birthed and is subsequently raising twins (who are adorable, btw), and looks like a slice of fantastic in a swimsuit. The article was nice, too, pointing out that she has to workout lots and watch what she eats in order to get that shape back after kids, and maintain it now. She also mentioned the mommy's guilt at leaving house and home to actually get those workouts in, which is definitely relatable. But the one thing that really stuck out for me was when she talked about how, after having her kids, the diet and the forms of exercise that she used to swear by were no longer working for her, that she had to change everything up and do things she'd never tried before in order to get those 60 lbs of baby weight to go away and stay away.

Since bringing Miss Violet into the world, I have been telling myself that losing this weight should be a snap. After all, I've lost a bunch of weight before, I know what things to do and so forth to lose it again. In practice, however, those old habits weren't working for me this time around, and every time I tried to tell myself to just go back there, I would get frustrated and down on myself because it wasn't working. Why couldn't I "just" do what I used to do, why wasn't I strong enough (metaphorically) to just slip right back into that old routine, etc.?

Reading the lovely Rebecca's interview, it dawned on me -- um, nothing is the same as it was before having a baby. So what makes me think that my old tricks and routines would work the same, either? You know how I lost weight after college? After work, I went straight to the gym for anywhere from 60-90 minutes, 4-5 days a week. I didn't even have a cat at this point, it was just me. I bought bags of ceaser salad and ate them for dinner, because I was only feeding myself. I was also getting more and better rest each night, since I could sleep without interruption from the time I laid down until the time my alarm clock went off. I had more time, energy, and well, time, to dedicate to being in the gym and reading fitness mags and being in the zone.

Now, I'm lucky if I get 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep a night. I have to concern myself with making sure the Mister has something tasty and filling enough for his dinner. When I get off work, I know that both Shawn and the baby are waiting for me at home to take over child care duties, give dinner, bath, books and bed; on top of working on my writing, keeping up with housework, reading if I have a chance, etc. So the time to dedicate to working out and exercising must be carefully carved out of each day, looked for and stolen whenever it presents itself. Which means I have to think about it more than I used to -- most days, I can't just head to the gym on autopilot after work, I have to think about my schedule the night before, plan out how and when I'm going to fit in a workout the next day so that I can pack the appropriate bag to take with me, or know that I'm going to do a dvd when I get home so there's no need to bring anything to work.

And while there's good in that, it also makes it more difficult to get the momentum of a routine going -- if everyday is different, it's easier to find a sudden excuse not to workout that day, or not to eat healthfully. And in the beginning stages of a weight loss effort, it's especially easy to be derailed. And what was keeping me the most stuck was the constant inner questioning of why I just couldn't knuckle under and get back to my old routines. As I hope we're all aware, berating ourselves is no way to build positive mojo.

So, recognizing that things are of course different now has relieved that pressure from me, and has reminded me that, as long as I'm doing something just about every day, I'm moving closer to my goals. I made a little mini goal for the next two weeks to use a piece of fitness equipment every day. So if I'm too tired or busy to hit the gym on a given day, I can pick up the hand weights I have at home and do some bicep curls in the evenings.

It's not about going back to the person I used to be, it's about moving forward into the person I will become, a new me, moving into my (jesus) thirties soon, not the twenty-something I was when I first lost weight, but now a busy, strong, determined woman with a fiance and a baby and a lot of stuff on my plate, who will find new ways of being the hot and fabulous chick on the outside that I have always been on the inside.