Chicks

When I was younger, say, in my earlier twenties, I spent a lot of time being jealous of other women. Even after I lost a bunch of weight, I often didn't feel very confident in my size, and it was difficult for me to interact with "skinny chicks" without hating on them in my head. As if being thinner than me was something they were doing on purpose to be bitches.

Miss Kitten DiVyne

But we all know something like that feeling, right? Hating those biatches who seem to be so freakin' perfect and have it all together, while we feel like hot messes who could stand to lose a few pounds and who probably should have done something cuter with our hair that day.

Even while I was dancing in the burlesque troupe, performing routines in which I ended up in panties and pasties in front of a bar-full of people, I still didn't think I was as thin or in shape as I should have been. And I still spent a lot of time hating other women who I thought were or had what I wanted.

Of course, all this bad juju did was make me a more miserable person than I needed to be, and it didn't change any of the things I didn't like about myself. And after gaining 60 pounds while pregnant, and starting the work of losing it again, I saw myself differently in the pictures from those pre-baby years. I realized, frankly, that I was a hot piece, and that all that energy I'd spent on wanting to be someone else was wasted, because I was that girl, in great shape and cute and dressed up.

On top of that, now that I spend most of my free time with baby and Mister and family, it's so much more important to me to spend the quality time with my girls that I took for granted before. And, along with that, to actually have those quality female relationships that I disdained before, because I was so wrapped up in being jealous of other women.

When I got past my own petty issues, and realized, after experiencing a bit more life, that everyone has similar issues no matter how perfect their life might look on the outside, I saw how many great friendships I'd been missing out on, and what great bonding time I could have been having.

here's a bunch of us gals at LJ's wedding. Loved her dress!

Now, rather than being jealous of my BFF LJ, who has a great career, a beautiful family, and a thriving blog, I am inspired by her. I let her success propel me to make big steps of my own, to get back to my own blogging and keep it active, to take steps to move my career forward in a way that fulfills me, to be as fabulous and happy as I want to be.

A Moment of Un-Hotness, or What Facebook Taught Me

Girls, I don't feel very hot right now. It happens. We all have our moments. Our un-hot moments. I'm confident that the hotness will come back sometime soon, probably around about the time I'm halfway through tomorrow morning's tall nonfat pumpkin spice latte (yum!), but right now, not so much. And you should know that I've just completed a 30 minute cardio toning workout dvd.

That workout was hard. Way harder than I expected it to be. This is a dvd that I've done dozens of times before, and for some reason tonight I was just dragging myself through it, and getting frustrated because my balance sucked and my muscles were shaking. Yes, there are no doubt several contributing factors -- lack of sleep, lack of water, etc. But they still all added up to me feeling completely off my game and, since this revolved around exercise, like a giant, lard-ass, I can't hack it through a dvd that used to be easy, un-hot mama.

Poo.

I took a shower and decided I would turn in early tonight so that I would have more energy tomorrow. And while in the shower, something a good friend of mine said came back to me. To paraphrase -- keep pursuing your dreams, even when you don't want to.

Actually, she posted it on Facebook. And it came to my rescue. Because it's one of the smartest things I've heard lately. Sometimes, even things we want really badly -- losing baby weight, publishing novels, getting out of debt, becoming wildly famous for whatever particular talent you're secretly harboring -- can start to seem like chores, like one more thing that needs a chunk of time carved out of our crazy busy days. So even though it sounds counter intuitive, sometimes you really do have to force yourself to keep on pursuing that one thing that you want, deep down, in the oubliette of your soul (Labyrinth reference? Yes.) To get up off the couch and get to dance class, or go for a run, or keep plugging away at that novel. Whatever it is. Don't let your goals get pushed aside.

So even when I feel like a hippo who will never fit into my size 10 super hot dark wash skinny jeans again, I will go to bed early to get up and do it all over again tomorrow, because Facebook told me too.

Me and said smarty-pants Facebooking friend at Disneyland, being our fabulous selves.