Ode to Hot Papas

Without giving you the details, let's start out by saying that I spent most of Sunday night being sick. Spontaneously. I called Mr. Shawn at band practice to tell him to come home early, as I suddenly couldn't manage on my own.

He was wonderful. He rushed home, got the baby out of her playpen and made sure I was doing okay before leaving me in peace.

Once I managed to get some sleep, and woke a few hours later with a powerful thirst, he brought me tissues and water and my phone and my blankie, hehe. All while holding a sleeping baby on his chest.

All of which served to remind me just how lucky I am to have the man that I have. A lot of men would have turned tail and run when their girlfriend of less than one year - and live-in for only one week - had woken them up one Wednesday morning with a positive pregnancy test. A lot of guys would have grumbled about the sudden dramatic drop off of sex during said pregnancy or pressured to get some even though their lady friend was feeling anything but. A lot of guys, including some husbands I know, would have gone home to sleep in a nice comfy bed while I coped alone with a newborn and ice diapers in a hospital room for two nights.

Not Mr. Shawn. I know I would have lost it during the early months without his support and shoulder to lean on. He has always been, as I knew he would be, an amazing father. Amid the sordid details of the night Violet was conceived, I very clearly remember telling him that I was only okay with us taking the risk of not using a condom because I knew he would be a good daddy.

And he is.

Bonjour, Bebe!, or, a review of Bringing Up Bebe

I've always pictured myself as a Briton at heart -- I love all things British; in fact, a recent discovery that the Safeway near my house has started stocking imported English goods like cookies and juice that I used to buy in London made me happy for days. However, after reading Bringing up Bebe, by Pamela Druckerman, I have a sudden affinity for all things French.

I was trolling around on Amazon for some books on dealing with and raising babies. I've read all kinds of books about the nuts and bolts of physically caring for infants and small creatures of that sort, but as Miss Violet has now moved into the next phase of her life, I wanted something that would give me some insight on ways to help mold and shape my young flower into the delicate, graceful, and articulate blossom I wish her to become.

During said trek up the Amazon, I came across Bringing Up Bebe. I was immediately intrigued by the memoir-esque style vs. technical manual that some baby-rearing books can feel like, so I added it to my cart.

I was not disappointed.

Druckerman is an American who married a Brit and moved with him to Paris, where they then had a daughter and twin boys. She also used to be a journalist, so her approach to the differences she sees in how French parents raise their kids compared to what she's used to seeing from American and even British families is to delve into the issue and figure out the W's -- what, why, how, etc.

First, the book starts by giving us Druckerman's background, which threw me a bit at first, but I soon appreciated. Again, one of the selling points for me with this book was that it felt like a more personal tome, and learning about the author's background and how she came into being married and having kids in the first place helped me relate to her reactions to things like French babies "doing their nights," (that's STTN for us American moms), and the norm of French mothers getting their figures back three months after giving birth. And the personal anecdotes are what shape the book, Druckerman taking us through her daughter's first years and the issues she encountered as a mom, as well as her subsequent pregnancy with twins and the struggles those little bundles brought with them. Through all, and blended quite seamlessly with the personal stories, is the journalistic research -- interviews with French school teachers, nannies, parents, and pediatricians, as well as the articles and studies she quotes to back up her observations and theories.

I was especially drawn to the chapters on baby sleep and baby weight (on mom). Miss Violet still only "does her nights" about half the time, waking up once in the middle of the night for a bottle is still her norm at 14 months old. And when she was younger, I very much sturggled with getting her to sleep, and feeling like a failure each time she woke up. I just couldn't figure out why she wouldn't sleep longer, when I felt as though I was doing everything all the books said to do.

Passed. Out. With blankie.

In her book, Druckerman talks about the French technique of The Pause. As opposed to crying it out, which  is ignoring the baby's cries, The Pause suggests waiting a moment when baby starts to cry, listening, observing your child and then responding appropriately to what he or she needs. Is he really awake, or just stirring in his sleep? Babies need help learning to work through their natural sleep cycles, and by not immediately rushing into the baby when she cries, the French mother is giving her baby time to learn this skill.

Of course, when baby is crying, a moment feels like an hour. But after reading this chapter of the book, I waited the next time Violet woke up crying at 11:30pm. I gave her exactly 5 minutes -- almost exactly 5 minutes on the nose, she resettled herself and fell back asleep. When she woke up again the following night, and did not go back to sleep, it occurred to me after listening to her that she had been cranky from teething earlier in the day, and I gave her some baby tylenol before putting her down again. Different outcomes on each night, but it was the difference of pausing, observing (from the other side of the door, with my ears) her behavior and taking that moment to figure what it was she really needed from me, not just automatically sticking a bottle in her mouth.

The other chapter I found particularly interesting was the one that dealt with French women and their figures after childbirth. As Druckerman points out, the pregnancy culture in America seems to give gals a pass for eating whatever they want while their pregnant, making it seem like everything is fair game, because, well, you're pregnant, you're supposed to gain some weight, so eat pancakes now while you still can! And after you've had the baby, well, you're a new mother for heaven's sake, you're allowed to hang onto that weight for a while, you're tired and busy and stressed!

14-months post childbirth, starting to look saucy again!

Not so in France. French women don't see pregnancy as an excuse to let themselves go -- whatever for? Just because they're pregnant they should stop caring about how they look? Really, what hit home for me was the French feeling Druckerman points to that being a mother does not negate being sexy, or having a life as a woman outside of one's children, nor should one feel guilty for paying attention to ones own needs. I also love the term "paying attention" rather than "being on a diet" for eating well. It makes so much more sense, doesn't it? Being on a diet implies restriction, being bad vs. being good. Whereas paying attention simply means that you're paying attention, and if you forget to pay attention for a while and have a chocolate croissant for breakfast, you simply start paying attention again at lunch. No guilt. No shame. Just common sense.

Finally, Druckerman discusses the respect that French parents instill in their children -- saying bonjour and au revoir to both other children and adults alike is mandatory for all children old enough to speak, teaching them from an early age that other people have feelings that matter just as much as their own, and that they must be considerate of the people around them. I love that. I've been teaching Violet please and thank you, of course, and usually trying to get her to say bye-bye even though it's mostly because she looks so cute when she waves. But I love this idea of teaching respect so early on, so I'm going to starting trying to remember to coach her into hellos and goodbyes every time.

Bye-bye!

Girl Time

Last night, I had the pleasure of some solid girl time with a couple of my lady friends. All the key ingredients were present -- wine, snacks that we ate too much of, and informal counseling. We dished on relationships, friendships, personal growth, and the merits of spending a night in the Castro drinking at gay bars vs. an afternoon wine tasting in Napa. We never did pick a winner.

Mr. Shawn even joined us for a while, which was nice. We're modern chicks, we can have cool dudes at girls' night if they behave. He had a glass of red with us and then departed to play online, which I'm sure was more interesting for him anyway.

Tasty red

We gabbed until almost midnight. It was so nice to have some solid, no frills girl time with a couple of my favorite chicks. Sort of reset the batteries a little bit.

Petit Ecolier chocolate biscuits. Yum!

Bread with olive oil and balsamic. Anything better? Not really.

Losers.

Summer Wardrobe

Since Mr. Shawn's birthday is on Monday, we've been going out this weekend to try to buy him some new jeans and things, since he's always complaining about all his clothes being old and worn, that his shirts have holes in them, and that he feels like a schmuck next to me. After reminding him that I like the way he dresses, I suggested getting some new clothes for his birthday this year.

It turns out, he's rather picky when it comes to clothes shopping. We left Macys, Nodstroms, Gap, JCPenny, Target, and Kohls empty-handed. Well, he left empty handed. I, on the other hand, left Target with a sackful of delicious new outfits for Miss Violet to wear this summer.

Now, I've been working on my bargain hunting habits. Just recently, I was able to get a brand new jogging stroller online (as it happens, through Target as well), that, to my good fortune, started out on sale, and after doing an internet search for "Target promo codes" was able to find a coupon code that took off an additional $5, PLUS free shipping. Shipping on the stroller was a whopping $23, so that's a nice big win. In the end, I got a stroller that is roughly $110 retail for just over $80. Sweet! (p.s., I highly recommend doing a search for coupons or promo codes + the name of whichever online retailer you're shopping before placing an order there. I found a great website, RetailMeNot, that seems to have lots of great coupons and codes for a whole slew of big name stores, and you never know what kind of little known or secret promotions a store is running. You may not find anything, but it never hurts to check!)

Which is why, when I walked past the kids clothes section at Target and saw that all these delightful little pieces were all less than $10 each, I was in hipster heaven.

First of all, you don't get much cuter than kids in rompers. And these ones are just so off the charts adorable with their sunny summer colors and little girlie decals, it was too much to resist. The flowered dress is also a charmer. As much as a part of me hates to be matchy-matchy, I also can't stop buying purple clothes for Violet. Soon she'll be dressing herself and probably taking after her father and wearing black and whatnot, so I'm taking advantage of all the girlie stuff I can until then.

I've been waiting for her to be old enough to wear a tutu since before she was born. And this one was $5. That's Five. Dollars. There was also a smashing lime green option, but, again, with the purple thing. It looks more pink in the picture, sadly. The matching top was also a steal at $5. The rompers were $8 a piece. I mean really, I only wish they made them in my size for that price. 

We're still working on what to get Shawn, it's entirely possible that he will end up with a video game instead, and the same old jeans he's been wearing for 12 years. Do boys have it easier or harder than us? Sometimes I can't tell.  

Milestones

All of a sudden, we've reached two pretty big milestones in the last week.

The first is that we've come to the end of our breastfeeding relationship. I had been thinking for a while that it was going to be time soon to taper off. We were already down to only 1-2 feedings a day, usually in the middle of the night and possibly right before bed. But that last few times, I found myself getting annoyed with it, and her, during the nursing, and basically not being into it any more. It had started to feel weird. And yet, it wasn't a conscious decision to stop nursing her; it occurred to me one day last week that I had not breastfed her for almost three days. And that was it. I was sad about it, for a while. I had a moment when I really wanted to nurse her one last time, to relieve the milk that had built up over the last few days. But then I realized that there was 3 days worth of coffee, a beer or two, and some wine, all mixed up in there, and I'd have to pump it out. So that idea was out. So even though I was ready to be done, and she seems to have been as well, I was still sort of sad about it for a while, more sad than I really wanted to talk about at the time. I've been denying the fact that she's not a "baby" any more, so phasing out this aspect of babyhood so suddenly and irreversibly was kind of a shock.

Secondly, last night, Little Miss went to bed at about 8:30pm, as usual, and slept without a single peep and narry a rustle until 6:45am. That, in case you were not aware, is in fact from bedtime to morning-time. The whole way. In fact, mommy's alarm woke her up before the baby did. That hasn't happened since March 2011 (yes, that would be before going on maternity leave). Of course, we'll see if she can manage a repeat performance tonight. But the fact is, she's been consistently giving me almost a full night for 2-3 weeks now, with just one wake up around 4am for a bottle and then immediately back to sleep again. And she no longer needs me to rock her until she's almost asleep, or stand there rubbing her back until she passes out. Now she has her bottle and can pretty much be laid down with her blankie to settle herself in and go to sleep. Of course, I still do rock her and rub her back and stuff, because it's our routine and I like doing it. But now it's more for the routine and less because it's the only way she will go to sleep.

Now, if I could just take my butt to bed at a decent hour, I might be able to take advantage of this sleep.

And you know what's funny? As happy as I am that she's reached these milestones, and as glad as I am to have my bed back, I just want her to stay a little baby forever. And if that meant being woken up every night  for nursing I would totally take it.

Speaking of sleep, please enjoy some photos in my ongoing "Sleeping Baby" series.

Superhero baby

with blankie

Now, if you followed me on Instagram, you'd have seen pics like this already.

I mean, seriously. Right?

Chicks

When I was younger, say, in my earlier twenties, I spent a lot of time being jealous of other women. Even after I lost a bunch of weight, I often didn't feel very confident in my size, and it was difficult for me to interact with "skinny chicks" without hating on them in my head. As if being thinner than me was something they were doing on purpose to be bitches.

Miss Kitten DiVyne

But we all know something like that feeling, right? Hating those biatches who seem to be so freakin' perfect and have it all together, while we feel like hot messes who could stand to lose a few pounds and who probably should have done something cuter with our hair that day.

Even while I was dancing in the burlesque troupe, performing routines in which I ended up in panties and pasties in front of a bar-full of people, I still didn't think I was as thin or in shape as I should have been. And I still spent a lot of time hating other women who I thought were or had what I wanted.

Of course, all this bad juju did was make me a more miserable person than I needed to be, and it didn't change any of the things I didn't like about myself. And after gaining 60 pounds while pregnant, and starting the work of losing it again, I saw myself differently in the pictures from those pre-baby years. I realized, frankly, that I was a hot piece, and that all that energy I'd spent on wanting to be someone else was wasted, because I was that girl, in great shape and cute and dressed up.

On top of that, now that I spend most of my free time with baby and Mister and family, it's so much more important to me to spend the quality time with my girls that I took for granted before. And, along with that, to actually have those quality female relationships that I disdained before, because I was so wrapped up in being jealous of other women.

When I got past my own petty issues, and realized, after experiencing a bit more life, that everyone has similar issues no matter how perfect their life might look on the outside, I saw how many great friendships I'd been missing out on, and what great bonding time I could have been having.

here's a bunch of us gals at LJ's wedding. Loved her dress!

Now, rather than being jealous of my BFF LJ, who has a great career, a beautiful family, and a thriving blog, I am inspired by her. I let her success propel me to make big steps of my own, to get back to my own blogging and keep it active, to take steps to move my career forward in a way that fulfills me, to be as fabulous and happy as I want to be.

Pinterest Baby

I. Haaa-love. Pinterest.

I spend a lot of time there. Pinning. You know.

I've found so many great baby things on Pinterest I think it's time to share some of my internet treasures. If you aren't following me on Pinterest, you should be.

1. Wiley Valentine - Toddler Lunch Tray idea from another super duper blog.
This is one of the coolest, why didn't I think of that, ideas. What a great way to set a toddler up with munchies and let them feed themselves!

2. RuffleButts -- Stinkin' cute clothes for girls and boys.

To be fair, I was aware of this company before Pinterest, but they have so much cute stuff I pretty much had to pin it all. Whether I get around to purchasing any of it before she's too old to wear it is another story.

3. Wanelo.com -- mustache pacifiers

There's actually all kinds of cool random stuff on this site, and it's another great place to go for gifts you'd never thought of before. When I saw these, I gagged on the cuteness. 

4. Cute baby in a guitar t-shirt.

5. Kitsel.com Mod Sunglasses Dress. 

The book nerd in me loves this dress, and so does the Burlesque dancer. It's so nerdy and vintage at once, I must dress my child in this.

6. Delicious Monkey Baby.

I don't know where this baby picture came from, but I have a hard time trying not to eat the screen because he is so freakin' adorable!!